Last week, after rumors began circulating about a possible collaborative mixtape between Future and Drake, the internet shit a collective brick of excitement. Then, finally, after plenty of hype (and even more lies), the internet finally got some relief when their joint project, What A Time To Be Alive finally saw the light of day Sunday on Drake’s Beats 1 show, OVOSOUND Radio. Two rap titans combining their soft-ass voices and backgrounds into one ultra-kewl project? Too chill and meme-able for words!
The album’s title was lifted from an old Simpsons scene about Moon Pies, and the cover art was reportedly purchased from stock image website Shutterstock, two things that only heightened the viral froth building up on the lips of rabid fans. Naturally, the album is a complete gem; Future and Drake are The People’s Champions, and the mixtape knocks.
In fact, it knocks so hard that I was stunned into silence … a silence that was awkward for others around me, given that people are supposed to make noises to let others know they’re alive and mentally sound.
This got me thinking: what one thing People’s Champions like Drake and Future never do? I’ll tell you.
They never suffer the extremely human experience of awkward silences. They’re Drake and Future. They’re cool human beans.
Thankfully for you, WATTBA is full of infinitely relateable lyrics that could be used to fill the excruciating void in conversation that occurs during a dreaded awkward silence. Think of how much your social life could be improved if you could fill these uncomfortable quiets with badass Drake quotes. So much.
Check out the following examples that totally prove my point, and then tell me Drake and Future didn’t just make the most conversation-enhancing album of the year.
Drake probably has the same friends I do, and one thing my friends always seem to take for granted is how much money I have. Drake is a seasoned professional who does a great job of reminding everyone he’s rich, but I can’t tell you how many times a day my friends just up and forget how much dispensable money I make at my writing internship. I often have to remind them that I have a highly lucrative career, no student debt, and that I don’t live off IKEA hot dogs or hit up Nana for cash money.
Thanks to this lyric, I can remind my friends of this fact during moments of silence to set the record straight.
Now this is a real conversation starter. I imagine it would be most effective during a spell of post-coital shame, when neither of you really knows what to say.
Also, this line is great for when someone calls you fat. It’s really considerate of Drake to keep our larger friends in mind when spitting his fire. Studies show that right now, over 1/3 of U.S. adults are obese. That means we’ve all got “pretty big teams.” It’s not just you, it’s 33 percent of you. So look out for your teammates, and get rings that will fit around everyone’s chubby fingers. Drake = equal opportunity people’s rapper.
Water! Mmm, delicious!
This one’s best suited for when you’re at a restaurant and you can’t think of anything to ask your date.
Think of the possible conversational avenues that could stem of this lyric: Why do people drink water? What is ice made of? Does drinking water often also mean you’re preparing for a fire? If you love water so much, why don’t you make it your bitch and marry it?!
We’ve all been there. You’re drunk so you took some uppers to wake up, but now you’re all shaky, so you hit that codeine to take the edge off. Great, you feel like a robot. But a robot that doesn’t know how to interact with humans!
Now everything looks distant and the people around you are entirely to loud. They don’t understand because they’re not as lit as you are right now. You keep telling yourself that while the only thing holding your head off the bathroom floor is the toilet seat. You’re sweating but you’re freezing.
Then you drop this line.
The crowd goes wild. And by the crowd, we mean your best friend who is holding your hair back while you vomit on the floor.
Ever tried to make small talk with the bank teller or barista? This lyric is the perfect place to start.
I mean, the part about breaking up with the “broad” is totally relatable. Have you ever been dumped or felt like a relationship ended because of you? Also, we can all relate to that awkward moment of realizing that we’ve been up in the attic for hours, counting money out loud, like a psycopath! We lost track of time up there! Now the kids are scared … jeez louise, where did the time go?
Anyway, What A Time To Be Alive is available now on iTunes, via Cash Money Records.