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September 25th, 2015
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Holy Shit: The Pope Is Releasing A Pop Album

Yes, you read that headline correctly.  And, no, this isn’t an April Fool’s joke (it’s the middle of September, you nut.)  His Holiness, Pope Francis, will be releasing an album of actual music this Thanksgiving.

According to Rolling Stone, the “Vatican-approved” LP will reportedly feature Francis delivering some of his favorite prayers and sermons, set to musical accompaniment ranging from the styles of prog-rock, to latin, all the way to Gregorian chants, (Chant, anyone?)  The album is called Wake Up!, and it’s scheduled to drop at the end of November.

But that’s not the only good news.  The album is available to pre-order, right now, on iTunes — and, as an added bonus, it comes with the Pope’s lead single, “Wake up! Go! Go! Forward!”  You should pre-order it!  If you don’t, you know where you’re going.  But if going to Hell is your thing (same), the kindest man on Earth has made “Wake up! Go! Go! Forward!” available to stream, for free, on Soundcloud.  Yep, the Pope has a Soundcloud.  What a time to be alive.

Uh oh, looks like some unfaithful Soundcloud-commenting heathens have unfortunately chosen to turn away from his light:

Holy Shit: The Pope Is Releasing a Pop Album and The Single is INSANE
Holy Shit: The Pope Is Releasing a Pop Album and The Single is INSANE
Holy Shit: The Pope Is Releasing a Pop Album and The Single is INSANE
Holy Shit: The Pope Is Releasing a Pop Album and The Single is INSANE

Remember what Matthew 5:39 taught you?  Turn the other cheek to these blasphemes!  Go forth, and rejoice in His name!