July 24th, 2015


God, I miss Myspace. The obnoxious My Chemical Romance whining on your homepage. The florid usernames (sup, [email protected]~~). The hallowed Top 8, where seven out of the eight available places were occupied by your old friend Tom. Sighhh.

But most of all, I miss the surveys and questionnaires we’d fill out because “lol bored and trying to develop a personality!!1!!#!”

All this saccharine nostalgia put me in the mood for commiseration, so I turned to my friend and 1NFINITY artist Pictureplane, who currently occupies the position of the Internet’s Resident King of 1996-2004. Everything about his e-persona, look and homemade Instagram memes screams “product of the Myspace era,” so I sent him an old questionnaire called “Most Crazy Random Questions Ever!!!”  from the vaults of Internet’s past, and hoped he he’d be down to relive that bygone era together.

Naturally, he was, and his answers are pretty hilarious. Read them below, and come see him on Monday, July 27th at the Check Yo Ponytail show where he’ll be playing alongside Heems, Bosco, and Speak! (tickets here). Also, pump yourself up by listening to the ‘Hyper Real’ remix EP he just released for good measure.

And now … Myspace.

Have you ever made out with two different people in one night? Yes. On a few occasions, and probably some I don’t remember. Which sounds bad.

Have you ever been arrested? I have been arrested five times! I once spent eight days in jail. It’s a horrible experience each time.

Last person that made you cry? Mushrooms.

Your worst enemy? The police.

What color underwear are you wearing right now? Camouflage.

Been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do? Very often. I’ve been a bad boy a lot of times.

What CD is closest to you right now? I actually don’t listen to CDs! I don’t even have a working CD player. It’s weird.

pictureplane myspace questionnaire 1

What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator? Vegetables. Sparkling water. Pickles.

Do you smoke? I smoked cigarettes for over ten years! I started as a young teenager. I don’t smoke anymore though. I enjoy some occasional rolled tobacco though. I like to roll my own.

Ever been in a physical fight? Once in 6th grade, I fought a 5th grader because he tackled me in a snowball fight and gave me a bloody nose. I was going to let it slide, but all my friends told me to go fight him. I succumbed to the peer pressure. It was the lamest fight ever. I gave him a bloody lip though because he had braces. We both got suspended.

Name 5 of the most important things in your life. Art. Music. Human beings. My heart. My brain.

Are you a morning person? Hell no! And I never will be. Waking up for school was torture for me. Every day.

Something or someone you miss the most from childhood. I miss having a crush so intense that it feels like your insides are going to burst.

Usually late, early or right on time? I think I am early to trends, but late to important meetings.

Would you rather do the dishes or clean the bedroom? Clean the bedroom. Although doing dishes is really therapeutic. Sweeping is my favorite chore though.
pictureplane myspace questionnaire 2

Would you rather be caught stealing or cheating?  I used to blatantly cheat on math tests in school. It was the only way i could pass the tests. I got caught a lot but I didn’t mind really. I think both are really terrible if they are hurting another person.

Do you believe that love is forever?  Certain kinds of love, yes. I still love my childhood dogs that have been dead for years.

Have you ever cried watching a movie?  Only on airplanes.

Do you like thunderstorms?  Yes. I am from the desert and we were always taught to appreciate the rain.

At work, what occupies your mind the most? My stupid iPhone.

Have you ever lived alone? No, I have always had roommates. I don’t think I want to live alone. I am a very social person.

Who was your first love?  Ariel Poling. Seventh grade. Her mom was an actual witch and Ariel put a love spell on me that totally worked.

Ever wanted something you can’t have? Every day. The grass is truly always greener …