Hey. I’m Isabelle, and I’m here to talk about your throbbing, desire-stricken physique.
I’m here on IHC filling the massive void in internet real estate where there currently exists no convincing marriage of music and sex. It’s all either Pitchfork-y or Yahoo Answers where people go to inquire things like “My boyfriend sleeps with his penis inside me, is this normal?”
There’s nothing in between; no one to explain to you the underlying relationship between human evolution and the fact that everyone with a MIDI cable and opposable thumbs is making Shibari rope bondage music videos right now. That’s where I come in.
Hiiiiiii.
Plus, I just really like talking about sex. It’s weird and flailing and wet (although sometimes dry) and that’s super endearing to me for some reason. Because of that, I’ve been writing about it since I was legally underage.
One of my favorite things is thinking sex through past the point of noticing that you and I both have boners for some reason (mine’s invisible) and uncovering the reasons why we fuck the way we do.
From figuring out how to make yourself orgasm even when the sex is awful, to talking to artists and musicians about sex, to explaining why every rap video is a slow motion Roman orgy, I’m here to talk you through it. When it’s possible, I’ll be relating my sexual interests to music, but sometimes I’m just gonna talk about sex. Any and all topics will be probed … gently, and also to the tune of “Pony” by Ginuwine.
If you need further seduction, here are some things I’ll be talking about in the upcoming weeks:
… How to shut your mind off for better orgasms!
… Why people have simulated group sex in every music video and how you can be one of those people IRL!
… Making your sexual fantasies come true: are you sure you want that? You are? Okay, here’s how to get it … Exclamation point!
…The sexiest music videos I’ve ever seen for when your YouPorn subscription expires!
…Trying really hard to find some artists whose managers will let them talk to me about sex without compromising their already delicate fame and cred balances!
…The time I tried weed lube, got on 3ndr with my super reluctant boyfriend, had failed beach sex in a hurricane, and how I learned how to have sex right next to and even on top of your best friend without actually having sex with them. Vital life skills!
…And much, much more.
So put on some Marvin Gaye or Baby Metal or Chumbawumba or whatever you fuck to, and light some candles, because we’re about to have the talk. A bunch of talks actually. And by “about to” I mean once a week for the foreseeable future until I’ve figured out everything and the weight of my boning knowledge breaks my pelvis.
Think of me as your friendly, sex-fixated neighbor next door. Don’t ask me how I know where you live, but feel free to ask me questions about your dick.
You can email me at isabelle@iheartcomix.com to ask me questions, tell me stories, or let me know that, for $29.99 a month, I can now enlarge my penis by 35% with this weird new trick that has doctors scratching their heads.
