The highly anticipated Jurassic World hits theaters tomorrow and with it, the dawn of a new era of fictional CGI dinosaurs. The original Jurassic Park is, of course, a beloved, masterful work of art, so, it’s a very exciting time for us here in 2015 as we feed on nostalgia-porn and watch the ’90s become cool again. And that’s precisely why I nearly spit my French Toast Crunch all over my extensive collection of Koosh Balls when I finally saw the trailer for Jurassic World.
People have really mixed feelings about the film and it seems as if it could go either way in terms of critical success. It could be bad-ass, or just simply bad … kind of like dinosaur tattoos. Segue accomplished.
So in honor of the fourth installment to the Jurassic Park series, I bestow upon you the best and the “dear sweet god” worst of the JP/dino-themed tattoos that currently exist on the web and on people’s outside-facing flesh.
THE BEST:
This is simply beautiful. If you’re going to get a portrait of any celebrity on your body, it sure as hell better be Samuel L. Jackson. Just look at the artistry here, it’s phenomenal. Not only that, but it features perhaps the most memorable quote from the OG JP in tasteful fashion. A+ brother, keep it up.
I stand by what I said about Sammy, but I mean … you can’t knock this masterpiece. If you’re gonna go full balls-to-the-wall on a Jurassic Park upper-thigh piece, why not throw in Goldblum, Dr. Grant, and the infamous Velociraptor into one magical family portrait? It’s a weird threesome, but it’s a threesome nonetheless so I feel good about it.
We all know the feeling of wanting to pop Newman in the back of the head, execution style, when he pretty much fucks everything up in the first film. I hate him … and seeing him get blasted in the face with that dino-ink on that fateful rainy night was perhaps the most rewarding act of justice ever portrayed on the silver screen. Why not embody it in a powerful half-sleeve? Not to mention the dude’s arm hair gives it an aged, cracked Renaissance look that is pretty bad-ass.
This piece won my heart simply from the functionality of it all. I’ve always wanted a tattoo that can perform and this is just perfect. Don’t even try telling me its not … you’re wrong. Good talk.
THE WORST:
Bruh …You went way too hard. You couldn’t have just gone with like a single T-Rex? There are so many T-Rexes here. The only person that’s going to think this is tight is your four-year old nephew who just got back from his field trip to the La Brea Tar-Pits. And even he might think it;s too much because unlike you, he has taste.
Are you genuinely shitting me? No, you’re actually not a clever girl, because A.) That’s a god damn dinosaur with a degree on your leg and B.) That atrocity is permanent. Why does this exist? Why would you ever think this is chill? I hope that dinosaur majored in history because it would be great to go back to a time where this didn’t’ exist. Also, you don’t have to be that clever to graduate from DeVry.
Believe it or not, I actually had a lot of trouble trying to decide whether to put this under the best or the worst category. I mean … it is the Holy Savior crushing it on the back of a fierce T-Rex with an beautiful quote elegantly placed beneath the action. But it’s also all of those things as an ACTUAL tattoo that looks like it was done with colored pencils by a Sunday school student. This might be acceptable and humorous if it were small and on a butt-cheek, but nope that’s an uncomfortably large bicep piece. Also, ever tried to control a T-Rex with a simple bridle? DOES NOT COMPUTE.
This actually looks pretty well done, but what the fuck kind of dinosaur is that? It looks like a dino-version of a Shar Pei or that fat cholo you see at the state-fair with a six pack of hot dogs on the back of his neck. It also looks to be embracing a flower and squirting blood out of it’s mouth, which I can’t find any sort of meaning or relevance for. It just makes me mad, idk guys.
Again with this “clever girl” BS. I know it’s a nod to the movie, but what makes you think it’s clever to get a giant prison-quality tattoo on your thigh and then proceed to blast it out over the internet? It’s absolutely not. That skeleton with a bright red outline is sooooo middle-aged dad in a mid-life crisis it’s not even funny. The victim probably suffered pretty bad while getting this gem drawn up too, look at that dark black fill, OUCH. Ugh.
Well, there you have it folks. A lot of interesting tattoos featured here. So much artistic integrity and a few well thought-out ideas. I hope you feel inspired to go see Jurassic World now and maybe even go and get a Chris Pratt face-tat afterwards … I know I am.
